Addicted to You Read online

  For long seconds, her mom said nothing. Then she swept her hair back to fall between her shoulder blades and turned, forcing Leah to step back. The moment their eyes met, Leah knew it was hopeless.

  “Your father and I don’t have time for any of that. And you’re a grown woman. Don’t you have things to do?” She didn’t sound annoyed. Or angry. Or curious. Or anything at all.

  Leah swallowed back the hurt until it settled, once again, in that familiar spot in her chest where she felt certain it had worn a hole straight through her. She had known this was how her mom would respond. She shouldn’t have bothered. She shouldn’t have hoped.

  Her stomach churned with heat—anger at her mom for not caring, humiliation at herself for thinking that she might.

  “It’s getting late,” her mom said. “Maybe you should leave.” She smoothed down the front of her gown and stepped past Leah.

  Leah waited until she heard the restroom door swing shut before allowing herself a single, shaky breath. Then she closed her eyes against the rising burn and pushed the emotion away. She shoved it back where she should have left it and made her way back to the main room.

  When she rejoined Elijah and Will, she pasted on a smile for her brother’s sake and said, “All right, ready to go?”

  Elijah, who was always too observant, gave her one look and immediately came to her side. His small hands closed around her palm. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine,” she said, looking him in the eye and giving him the most convincing smile she could muster. “But I’m pretty tired, and it’s way past your bed time.”

  “Okay.” He didn’t sound convinced, but he released her hand and gave Will a one-shouldered shrug. “Bye, Will. It was nice to meet you. Remember you promised to show me that move.”

  Will shook his hand and said, “I always keep my promises.”

  She gave him a small nod and then tried to walk past him, but she should have known that wouldn’t work. He touched her shoulder. His warmth seeped through her skin, chasing away the chill that had settled into the empty space where her anger had been.

  “Leah,” he said.

  Her eyes fluttered shut. The sound of her name on his lips, spoken with painful tenderness, made that ache in her chest grow sharper. She couldn’t do this right now. Everything felt too brittle. She hated feeling this way, and she hated even more that he had to witness it.

  “Have a good night,” she said and tried again to push past him.

  He shifted to block her escape. His other hand came up to touch her cheek. The ache spread into her stomach. She couldn’t do this. She didn’t want to feel anything right now, and he made her feel too much. She turned her face away, and his fingers paused, inches from contact.

  “Leah,” he said again. “Don’t shut me out. Talk to me.”

  Because she didn’t know what else to do, she went with what was familiar to her. She sneered. “Why do you care? You don’t even know me.”

  “You’re wrong,” he said, his voice quiet. He looked so earnest. “Maybe it hasn’t been as long as I’d like, but I’ve been paying attention.” He gave her a small, rueful smile. “I know that even though you don’t show it, you’re compassionate and loyal. I know this ‘I hate the world’ mask you put on is just a defense mechanism so no one realizes how much you really care. Maybe not about what others think of you, but that just means you care twice as much about the people who do matter, like your brother.”

  As he talked, that blue gaze never wavered. He moved in, so close that she could feel his body heat even though his hand on her shoulder was the only place they touched. His words burned through her, setting off her pulse, which beat loudly in her ears. She resented the way her entire body strained forward, wanting to accept the comfort that he was offering. No one besides Helena had ever confronted her about any of this before.

  “And when you’re hurt,” he said in almost a whisper, “you close yourself off and push everything back until you convince even yourself that it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t hurt you.”

  She swallowed thickly. She couldn’t breathe. Shaking her head, she stepped back. Her shoulder collided with someone, but she didn’t bother looking even when that person muttered something rude at her.

  “Don’t run away,” Will said. “Please.” He didn’t try to reach for her again, and she was grateful.

  “Leah,” Elijah said. He was looking between them with a deep line between his small brows.

  Seeing him brought back the realization that this was entirely the wrong place to have an emotional breakdown. She straightened her shoulders, fixed a neutral expression on her face, and gave Will a small nod.

  “Thanks for … you know … trying. I have to go.” She needed to get out of here or she would do something crazy and humiliating like start sobbing in the middle of the party. She took Elijah’s hand.

  “Leah—” Will began.

  Before he could say anything else, she cut him off. “If you know me so well, then you should understand that I can’t do this right now. You have to give me time.”

  He frowned and studied her face intently. After a few seconds, he looked away and rubbed a hand through his hair. Then he stepped back.

  Without another word, she tightened her grip on her brother and fled.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  “I thought that we should try something new this week,” the counselor announced.

  That never bodes well, Will thought.

  “A field trip and a test of sorts.”

  There were some interested stirrings in chairs, although the girl who filled Will’s dreams, both asleep and awake, looked like she didn’t care where they went or if any of them lived or died. She had yet to even glance in his direction.

  In the midst of what had happened last Saturday, he’d forgotten to get her number. It had been a long week waiting until today’s meeting to see, and hopefully speak, with her again. He had considered trying to find her on campus but decided in the end to wait and give her the time she’d said she needed.

  This was his last session with the group. Having explained the situation to his boss, he no longer needed to attend these meetings. Before leaving, though, he wanted to thank the counselor. Despite his lack of qualifications, the guy seemed to genuinely care about helping a bunch of people who took his guidance about as seriously as they would have taken a lecture on how to put on socks.

  As for Leah, he had to tell her the truth. He was dreading her reaction.

  “So we’re going to the bar,” the counselor told them, his tone triumphant, clearly thinking that this was an innovative and radical approach. “I know that several of you struggle to socialize normally without inserting sexual overtones into it, so we—”

  Packers Cap snorted and whispered to Stilettos, “Or insert other things.”

  The counselor frowned at him until he fell silent. When he was satisfied he had their attention again, he said, “We are going to have a drink and a platter of fries and just enjoy the atmosphere, without it needing to be more.”

  The counselor sat back with a happy grin, and Will tried not to shake his head. As far as he could tell, not a single one of the addicts was ready for something like this. They would probably all end up seducing someone and having sex in the bathroom.

  Chairs scraped against the floor as everyone stood to follow the counselor outside with more enthusiasm than any of them had shown in previous meetings. As usual, Leah moved to help the old woman navigate her way to the door.

  As they stepped down the stairs to the sidewalk, the old woman glanced up at the old fashioned clock someone had hung above the front door. She said, “I hope this doesn’t run past the hour. I’ve got a show to catch.”

  Leah paused with her hands at the old woman’s elbow. The old woman kept walking though, and Leah’s arms dropped to her sides as she glanced between the old woman’s back and the clock. The clock sat high enough above the front door that Will had to squint to make out the time. And it
was dark, the dim glow of the street lights the only light sources, which made the clock face even more difficult to discern.

  “You can see the time?” Will asked, confused.

  The old woman didn’t look back as she said, “Of course I can.”

  At his side, Leah’s brows rose in disbelief before she began walking again to keep pace with the others. “Then why are you always running into everything?” she asked.

  “Because it’s nice having someone who cares,” the old woman said. Her shoulders moved beneath the brim of her hat, which Will took to mean she’d shrugged. “Even if you’re a stranger.”

  Will had nothing to say to that. He supposed she was right, in a way.

  Leah muttered something under her breath before falling silent. As they walked, trailing behind the others, they listened to the sound of cars on the street up ahead and the excited voices of the other addicts.

  After a couple minutes, the busty woman glanced over her bare shoulder at them. Her corset today was the color of orange fluff overlaid with white lace. Combined with her overly tanned skin, it made her look a bit like the inside of a cantaloupe. She gave him and Leah a knowing look.

  Will glanced at Leah. Her shoulders were hunched beneath her thin sweater against the cool night, her face hidden behind the fall of her hair.

  “Just so you know,” the busty woman said, “if you’re willing to share, so am I.”

  He had no idea if she was talking to him or Leah. Maybe both. He didn’t respond, but Leah let out a quiet snort and said nothing.

  The busty woman turned so that she was facing them, walking backward with impressive balance considering the height of her heels. She tilted her head back and looked at them through narrowed, thoughtful eyes. It was probably the first time Will had seen anything resembling a serious expression on her face.

  “I’ve been coming to this group for almost a year,” she said, which made Will’s eyebrow twitch up in surprise. “I’ve seen a lot of people come and go. And a lot of half-assed hook-ups.”

  Will glanced over at Leah, but her head was still down. It was impossible to tell if she was even listening.

  “I don’t agree with that creeper in the cap,” she said, jerking her thumb over her shoulder at the other addicts who were farther ahead. “Love isn’t a bad thing. Most people just don’t know what to do with it once they’ve got it.”

  “Do you?” Will asked. What was she trying to get at?

  She gave a quiet laugh that wasn’t the least bit sarcastic. “Of course not. That’s why I’m still here.”

  A dark curl blew across her face and she reached up to brush it back behind her ear. For the first time, Will noticed a ring around her thumb. Light from a street lamp struck the silver band, making the edges glow. It was thick and plain, with a matte strip down the middle. Clearly a man’s ring.

  “Why bother?” he asked. She had never given an indication that she thought the therapy was anything but a joke.

  “To remind myself,” she said, her eyes trailing away, unfocused. She clasped her hands at her tightly corseted waist, her fingers rubbing over the silver band on her thumb.

  Will waited, but she didn’t clarify what she meant. He didn’t ask. It wasn’t any of his business anyway, even before he had quit the case study.

  “But you two seem different,” she continued, seemingly coming back to herself from whatever memory she’d been caught in. Her gaze settled on Leah, who was still obstinately ignoring—or pretending to ignore—her.

  “Different how?” he asked. Even though he wouldn’t pry into whatever ghosts she carried around with her, hidden behind her provocative clothes and blithe attitude, the psychologist in him had to wonder what she had told the old woman when they’d paired up to talk about their childhoods. He had been so focused on Leah that he hadn’t taken the time to really examine the other addicts. And writing about them in his notes had only left him feeling like a voyeur.

  She gave him an enigmatic smile. “Look, I don’t know you. Or her. But I’m not blind. I can see what’s going on between you, and all I’m saying is …” She shrugged one shoulder. “Don’t fuck it up.”

  “Why do you care?” Leah asked, finally lifting her head. She was wearing her typical ‘the world is my enemy’ expression.

  “I don’t,” the busty woman said with a smile that was more her usual behavior. “Just figured you might.”

  Leah didn’t reply, and Will could only wonder if maybe she should be the one running this program instead of the counselor.

  The busty woman turned back around with a satisfied chest shimmy and picked up her pace to walk alongside the old lady, who was surprisingly spry now that she’d stopped pretending to be clumsy or blind. He supposed she’d have to be somewhat energetic if she was a sex addict at her age.

  There was a bar just around the corner, and it wasn’t long before the counselor was pulling open the front door of O’Malley’s Pub and beaming at their small group like a proud mother hen.

  Will felt bad for him—he was about to be horribly disappointed.

  It was hot inside with the eight o’clock rush crammed into the moderately-sized pub. The clamor of voices nearly drowned out the strains of some pop song blasting from the numerous corner speakers. The crowd looked to be made up primarily of college students, although there were a few groups of people around the creeper’s age. The counselor began weaving his way through the crowd toward a booth in the back. Will watched with a sense of inevitable disaster as the others dispersed into a sea of impatient drinkers. Exclamations of ‘Excuse me!’ were drowned out by shrieking students, the clack of billiard balls at the nearby pool tables, and the blare of a pinball machine in the corner.

  Even Leah wandered off toward a quieter section of the pub, and Will followed after her. He glanced back just in time to see the counselor give his sudden one-man party a bewildered look before he, too, was swallowed up by the swarm of bodies. Will supposed he’d just have to thank the counselor another time, when the guy wasn’t freaking out about his entire group failing his test.

  Ahead of him, Leah slid onto a stool someone had just abandoned in front of a round table. She nodded her head at the empty space across from her. That was the first time she had invited his company. Will wasn’t about to refuse.

  “Do you want to order anything?” she shouted. Even though the table was only a foot and a half in diameter, they still had to shout to be heard.

  He shook his head. Across the pub was a tiny dance floor sectioned off with a metal railing where a bunch of people moved awkwardly to music he couldn’t hear over the distance and the noise. The fact this place even had a dance floor was entirely the result of Finn convincing the owner of the pub to allow him a karaoke corner during their freshman year. It had been such a hit that the owner kept it. But the karaoke machine had broken some six months ago, and the owner had yet to replace it.

  Leah twisted to see where he was looking and then turned back with a wicked smile. “Want to dance?”

  There was a challenge in the gleam of her eyes. He was glad to see it after the way they’d parted last weekend. A part of him had worried she wouldn’t come back today. Smiling, he stood and offered her his hand. She accepted it, hopping to her feet. His fingers closed around hers, and she didn’t pull away as she took the lead toward the dance floor. Unless it was his imagination, she swung her hips more than necessary as she wended her way through the crowd. He couldn’t help but appreciate the view.

  She peeked over her shoulder at him, her expression still playful but with a definite intensity in her eyes. Not his imagination then.

  Like the rest of the pub, the dance floor was standing room only. But Leah’s grip tightened around his hand, and she led him through the throng until they were hidden amidst the moving bodies. When she seemed to be satisfied, she turned and released his hand only to step in close and rest both her palms against his chest.

  He lowered his head. Her hair brushed his cheek. Even tho
ugh they were surrounded by the heat of too many bodies and the pub reeked of stale beer and sweat, he closed his eyes and skimmed his lips over her temple. For a moment, all he could smell was the lavender in her hair. The dance floor had weak strobe lights—not surprising considering they were in a bar, not a night club—but it was enough to cast colorful lights over them and outline the dips and planes of her face as she began to move. His hands rested against her swaying hips. She moved in closer until they were pressed chest to chest, bodies aligned. She rolled her hips against him, and he had no doubt she could feel exactly what she was doing to him.

  He touched his forehead to hers. Her breaths were warm against his mouth. The sliver of air between their parted lips grew thin as his heartbeat thudded against his ribs. He smoothed his palms up her waist, gathering the material of her blouse in his hands.

  Her mouth shifted to his left, skimming along his jaw until she spoke directly into his ear, “I lied. I don’t want to dance. I’m just trying to seduce you.”

  Will smiled and turned his face into her neck. “You don’t need to try.”

  She reached down and once again took his hand in hers. Then she pulled away, tugging him after her as they weaved back out through the dancers and off the dance floor.

  Drawing him away from the din of the main bar area, they entered a smaller room off the back, across from the restrooms. Will had only been back here a couple times. A staircase stood in a dimly lit corner, leading up to an employee-only area. A couple sofas were scattered around the wee space, but only one of them was occupied. Compared to the noisy front of the pub, this was an oasis of calm.

  Leah crossed the room toward the dark recess beneath the stairs. Then she turned and released his hand. Walking backward, she crooked her finger at him to follow as she sank into the darkness beneath the staircase.

  Will hesitated. This wasn’t exactly what he wanted. He wanted her, but not like this. Maybe he’d interpreted her wrong, maybe she didn’t believe that this thing between them was worth more than a quick tumble in a dark corner.